When I started this blog just over a year ago, I felt like I knew what I was doing. I had studied the organ off and on for about 16 years and had a good grasp of the basics. I felt confident in my abilities.
However, after about six months, I ran out of teaching ideas and realized how little I actually knew.
I attended the BYU Organ Workshop in August of 2010 and began earnest study again with Carol Dean, a Colleague in the American Guild of Organists. I immediately felt like I knew nothing. While I did have a good grasp of the basics, I also had some technique and posture issues that I had been unaware of before. All of a sudden my vision had been increased.
Before, I was seeing my organ playing through the eyes of a regular LDS church organist. I did have a good grasp of organ technique. After I began this blog, attended the BYU Organ Workshop, and started studying in depth, my vision was expanded and I began to see where my abilities fell on a much larger scale. All of a sudden, I saw every limitation. I realized that I knew very little compared to "real" organists, and think that I better understand how Moses felt when his vision was increased. Carol was always very complimentary, but I didn't feel as though I deserved those compliments.
Today I had a really good lesson. I have been practicing regularly, and my Bach and Buxtehude pieces are starting to "live." Baroque organ music is finally clicking in my brain, and I'm so excited!
While I might not feel this way tomorrow, today I feel like a true organist. I'm regaining confidence while acknowledging how much I still have to learn, and it feels really good.
While the organ can be overwhelming, especially when you first begin your study and realize just how different the organ and the piano really are, hang in there. For a while every time you learn something new you may feel like you know less than you did when you started. Eventually that feeling will start to fade and you will find confidence you didn't know you could have.